Reaping the Benefits
by Luciana Costa
Summary: In which Kakuzu and Hidan find solace in the company of each other. With a few bumps along the way. KakuHida, shonen-ai, don't like don't read. Rated for Kakuzu and Hidan's cussing and blood.
1. Of Sheep and Blasphemers

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Kakuzu glanced at the overturned carriage and wondered what was taking Hidan so long. He'd said he had to do his ritual, but he hadn't heard any taunting whatsoever. At this point, it was going to take forever to get back to the hideout, and Kakuzu wanted nothing of that.

Hidan knew that Kakuzu had a short temper. And he loved that about his partner. Relished every instant where he could annoy, bother, and generally piss off the stitched man. And Hidan was damn good at it too. Then again, annoying Kakuzu was not the hardest task. Just now, for instance, Hidan knew that all he had to do was delay Kakuzu from getting back to counting his precious money. Hidan grinned. This would prove to be interesting.

"HIDAN, get your ass back here, you KNOW we're supposed to be done here already." The stitched man was NOT HAPPY. It had been at least ten minutes, and he had no clue where the preacher was. It probably wouldn't bother him as much if Hidan had gotten patient from his own, stupid, long-ass rituals, but that apparently didn't happen if he complained so much. He waited thirty seconds with no reply and turned around, completely pissed off. "Hidan, if you don't get back here in three seconds, I'm leaving without you and telling Leader that I accidentally lost you down a ravine. And then you'll have to find your way back on your own."  
Hidan needed somebody to complain to. Kakuzu knew. It was his trump card for "Get the hell back here" kinds of times. Times like these.

"Shit," Hidan murmured. He was relatively new to Akatsuki, and still wasn't able to get back to the hideout without his partner. "For the love of Jashin..." he muttered to himself as he wrenched the bloodied pike out of his chest and got up. "Learn some patience, Kakuzu. Seriously, you're gonna give yourself a heart attack if you don't fucking chill out."

Kakuzu would have rolled his eyes if he didn't want to keep up his impatient front. "I'd have to have four for it to matter, you fucking brat." He took a breath, he felt like beating the crap out of his partner right now... but then they'd be even later. "You sound like a five-year-old, Hidan. A five year old with no manners." He paused and sighed under his breath. "Did you cut anything off this time? I don't want to look unless I don't have to."  
No, organs and blood didn't bother Kakuzu; quite the contrary. They excited him. The fact that his partner couldn't die just made it even more appealing than usual to steal organs from him for his collection, but he couldn't exactly say that out loud.

"Hahaha, sorry to spoil your little fantasies, Kakuzu, but I'm alive and whole." He failed to mention the blood spurting out of his chest, but he figured Kakuzu wouldn't mind. It wasn't anything the greedy bastard hadn't seen before. He walked over to his partner. He wanted to say something to annoy him. He really did. But for the first time in decades, he had nothing to say.

"Hm? What fantasies?" He kept the look on his face though, saying it offhandedly. Kakuzu left the silence... silent, and was grateful for it as he started on their merry way to the bat ca- errr... Akatsuki lair. He'd have to lock away this shred of time in his memory as one of the few moments that he wasn't about to hypothetically kill the zealot.

Hidan walked beside his partner. The silence was deafening. Hidan couldn't take it anymore. "Nice weather we're having, isn't it?" he blurted out, instantly regretting his feeble attempt at normal conversation. After all, the pair was the farthest from normal that you could get. Any and all conversation they ever had usually went along these lines:  
"Hey, Hidan?"  
"What is it, fucktard?"  
"Jashin is stupid."  
"Well your mom is stupid."  
"Not as stupid as yours."  
Etc.  
Hidan bit his lip, praying to Jashin that Kakuzu would ignore him.

He ignored him. Until he saw his partner bite his lip. His stitched lips curled upwards into a twisted, maniacal grin.  
"I hate it. It's so gloomy and humid... it's slowing me down. Kinda reminds me of you..." He trailed off and let the preacher fill in the blanks. Hidan was good at making things up to make himself more pissed off than usual.  
After all, almost all of their conversations ended up with Hidan fuming and nothing left to say. Then he'd start preaching about his stupid Jashin-sama. Luckily, that was easy enough to block out.

Hidan was indeed fuming. "Okay, I get that I'm annoying and I slow you down. But gloomy? No fucking way. Seriously, you have got to be kidding me." And why the hell was Kakuzu grinning like that? What was so damn funny? He knew what Kakuzu was trying to do. Trying to get him pissed off. Unfortunately, the only coping methods Hidan had were fuming, preaching, and blowing up at the stitched bastard.

"Ah, yes. Because all of the time that I spend with YOU encases my in a joyless fog of loud noises and complaints. Therefore, yes, I associate you with gloom."  
It was fun to hear Hidan complaining, but only when he was making him do it on purpose.  
"What's it like to know that I'm the only person you can't kill, Hidan?"

"Stop bragging, fucktard. I could kill you any time I wanted. Sure, it might take a while, but hey, I've got all the time in the world. Seriously, there's no way you could beat me." Sure Hidan was getting a little cocky, but he was confident in his ability. After all, he was immortal. No one could beat him as long as he had Jashin's favor. "Anyway," he continued haughtily, "Leader might become angry with me if I killed his banker."

Kakuzu raised an eyebrow. He wondered where the brat's logic had gone running off to, especially since if he killed the only person that could or would stitch him up again, he'd technically be defeated too.  
"You have no logic, it's like trying to talk to talk to a fence post." Kakuzu picked up his pace a little bit, leaving no trace of emotion in his voice. The haughtiness thing is what made him kill his second to last partner, the bastard couldn't go for a minute without looking in a mirror or a piece of ice or a river... it pissed him off.

Hidan fumed. Kakuzu insulted him all the time. But a fence post? Stitches had crossed the line. "A fence post?! Who are you calling a fence post?"  
Hidan was definitely losing his cool. He couldn't stand it, the way Kakuzu could manipulate him like this. No matter how hard he tried, he knew that he always ended up doing exactly what his partner wanted him to do. And it pissed him off.

"Obviously you, baka." He kept his tone and pace even, but was smirking inside. He could play Hidan like Sasori a puppet.  
"You don't move, it takes forever to uproot your ass from wherever you've decided to nail yourself with that damn scythe of yours, and you haven't proved to me that you have any brain cells to your name. It's that simple. Only, fence posts don't complain."  
"Oh, Leader, why couldn't I have had a fence post for a partner instead?" Kakuzu muttered under his breath, intending for Hidan to hear it.

Hidan hated his partner. Hated him more than anything else. At least that was what he told himself. Hidan knew that Kakuzu wanted him to say something. Was begging him to just say something so that he could piss the priest off even further. Jashin-dammit, how had he gotten the tables turned on him so easily? Hidan forced himself to think of something to do. Something that would surprise his partner, something that would put the odds back in Hidan's favour. "Crap..." he muttered. Hidan wasn't the sharpest nail in the box, especially not in the creativity department. He contented himself to walk silently.

Kakuzu raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Finally. Sweet, sweet silence.  
...God, Hidan was turning him into an autistic 6-year-old. He was getting too into these fights, and the repetition wasn't boring yet. He prayed that he wouldn't actually get a mental dysfunction from it.

Hidan was getting bored of Kakuzu and his eyebrow-raising. He sighed. "Are we there yet?"

"What, do you want me to carry you or something?" Kakuzu hated Hidan's voice whenever he asked this question. It reminded him of nails grating on a chalkboard, or more accurately, a triple bladed scythe grinding against an infinitely long chalkboard with folk music playing in the back.  
...okay, it didn't sound like that, but that was about how annoying it was.

"Just answer my question, please."  
Hidan trudged along, bored as hell. He needed something to do, but conversation with Kakuzu was out of the question. He contented himself with humming a hymn and fantasizing about tearing Kakuzu limb from limb. _It would be rather easy, with the stitches..._ he mused.

"Yeah, we're almost there." _Stupid whiny zealot preacher..._ Kakuzu looked at the sun, or whatever sun was passing through the mist, and down again. "Hidan, we should move back into the cover of the trees for now. Those stupid Iwa villagers start herding their sheep around now... and the road isn't a good place for a missing-nin to be." _Even though he's so brainless, he'd fit right in with the sheep..._ Kakuzu mused quietly to himself.

"Okay." Hidan replied flatly. He had promised himself he wasn't going to let Kakuzu play him again. He walked faster, veering off to the side of the road into the trees. Indeed, he noticed several sheep munching on the grass. He smiled. "They would make good sacrifices..." he muttered.

Kakuzu chuckled, almost completely silently. The last record the Akatsuki had of a Jashinist sacrificing hooved animals was... what was it... Mexico. Those bloody fools still thought that there was a Chupacabra, or whatever it was.  
As long as Hidan was quieter than he was when he preached, Kakuzu could stand him. His little obsession with the sheep was adorable. But he wouldn't admit to it out loud.

Hidan had found something to take his mind off of boredom. Sheep. The fluffy white creatures entranced him. The way they moved, the way they baaa-ed, the way they ate grass. He also had to admit that they were pretty damn cute.

Kakuzu watched his partner out of the corner of his eye. He smiled a little bit, but shook it off quickly. "Don't watch too closely, or you'll fall asleep and we'll waste even more time trying to wake you up.  
Hidan slept like a rock. Everybody knew it.

Hidan jerked his eyes away from the sheep. Actually, he _was_ feeling a bit drowsy. He ran to catch up with Kakuzu. "Are we there yet? And don't give me your little rant on folk music."

"Not quite yet. Maybe 5 more minutes."  
Kakuzu had to admit that his partner was quite adorable. That is, when he wasn't killing people and raving about his Jashin-sama. He put his hands in his pockets and strode onwards, trying his best not to leave Hidan behind.

"Glad to see you're in a better mood now," Hidan said, elbowing his partner amiably. Hidan was in a better mood too, Kakuzu could actually be considered a nice guy when he wasn't trying to get on Hidan's nerves or freaking out about how much Hidan spent on hair products. Hidan grinned. Kakuzu would make a good Jashinist if he would quit worrying about trivial things like money, and started worrying about his eternal soul.

"Hn." Honestly, he didn't really want to ruin it either, but he didn't want Hidan to think that either. Luckily, the lair was coming up on their right, so Kakuzu was saved the awkward silence and rantings. "We're here."


	2. Bedtime for the Zombies

Hidan grinned widely. "Finally. I need some sleep, seriously." He looked over at Kakuzu expectantly. "You do know I still can't get in by myself, right?" Hidan was a little embarrassed at this, but he tried not to show it to his partner, who would ridicule him to no end.

He thought about making fun of the zealot, but he remembered when the Leader had started putting all of these stupid locks and traps in for protection and whatever... besides, there was no point in pissing the other off right now. "Yeah, I'm aware of that..." Kakuzu magically opened the door after dispelling an illusion and trap. "Go take a shower or something, I have to set up the security jutsu again..."

"Heh, thanks Kuzu," Hidan said. "I'll go do that." Hidan walked the short distance to the bathroom and leaned his scythe against the wall. He stripped quickly and turned the water up as hot as it would go. He sighed happily as the scalding water washed away the dried blood and grit from his skin. Hidan liked showers. A lot. Nice, long, hot showers. Unfortunately, Kakuzu _didn't_ like Hidan's showers, or, more specifically, the water bill.

It was true, Kakuzu did not like Hidan's showers. He'd accept it for today, but he just needed to brood or count money or something... besides, he was already a criminal, it wasn't like evading taxes would do much to _his_ record anyway.  
Kakuzu would have gone to count his money, but he hadn't made any in the time they were gone, so there was no real point. So he'd just listen to the water running instead and try to get some sleep.  
He took of his mask and headband, leaning over the table and letting out a yawn. He hadn't slept in a couple of days, and insomnia was starting to take its toll on him.

Hidan was feeling rather... generous. Unusually so. Even he had no idea why, after he had scrubbed all the grime off of himself, he turned off the water. No idea why his shower had lasted less than 30 minutes. He convinced himself it was because he was tired and wanted some sleep. He dried himself off and wrapped the towel around his waist. Hidan appreciated the fact that the room he shared with Kakuzu was right across from the bathroom. He crossed the hallway into their room and grabbed some clothes out of a drawer.

Kakuzu heard the water shut off and immediately shot his head up, rubbing his eyes. "Morning already? Damn..." _I need some fucking coffee..._  
Luckily, the coffee machine was only a few feet away from him. "Hey, Hidan; what time is it?"

"How the fuck should I supposed to know?" Hidan replied, securing his belt around his waist. "Seriously, you expect me to know the time?" Hidan collapsed onto his bed with an audible sigh of relief. "You shouldn't drink so much coffee, Kuzu," Hidan commented. "You need to get more sleep. Seriously."

"I slept the entire time you were taking your shower... I always wake up when the water turns up. That's usually enough sleep to get me through the week." Kakuzu stifled a yawn and rubbed his eye with his wrist slumping down on the table again. He'd removed his cloak a bit before he'd fallen asleep, but it was freezing right now. Maybe they'd finally cut the heating off. Either way, Kakuzu shuddered and smacked his head on the table. His life pretty much sucked.

"I think you need more sleep, then," Hidan said, staring at the ceiling. "I was only in there for about 20 minutes." He smiled, wondering how this news would affect his partner. His normal showers usually lasted a few hours.

"..." Kakuzu didn't say anything. _I fucking love you sometimes, Hidan..._ "Alright then..." Kakuzu chewed on his lip a little bit. "...thank you..." He turned his gaze quickly and stared at the wall to avoid looking at the zealot. As long as Pein didn't call them for a mission, he'd be able to sleep for an hour or so.  
Hidan also had to stop smiling. It made Kakuzu feel odd.

Hidan grinned broadly. "Heh, bet you weren't expecting that, were you? Well I wasn't either. I just had this sudden urge to be nice to you, weird, huh?" Hidan had to admit, it was fun messing with Kakuzu's head. Stitches was an interesting guy.

"Yeah, it's like life handed me all of life's little surprises and gave it to me in a blood-soaked box." Kakuzu remarked sarcastically, but not bitterly. "Could you not... kill anything while I'm trying to sleep, Hidan?"  
Normally, the stitched nin wouldn't bother asking or would try reverse psychology, but he just sorta felt like asking. Besides, he was too sleepy to be able to differ between a good idea and a bad idea.

Hidan looked at him strangely. "You're not going to try any mind tricks on me like you usually do?" he asked. "But yeah, if you want. I wasn't going to anyway; I'm just as tired as you are." He looked at Kakuzu's limp form sprawled across the table. "Then again..."

Kakuzu took a deep breath. You couldn't even see where the whites, or blacks, of his eyes began from the black lines of insomnia. "If you want me to move, you can just ask..." he mumbled, still in that kind of sleepy confusion that makes you misinterpret everything. He yawned again and moved his arm on top of his head, it felt like a midget was pounding at his skull with a pickaxe.

Hidan chuckled. "Well I think it would be better for you if you slept on your bed. Actually, it'd be better for me, since I won't have to hear you bitch about how much your back hurts in the morning." Hidan dragged himself out of bed to where Kakuzu was sitting and held out his hand.

"Hnnnn..." Kakuzu was practically half-asleep as it was, he got up and held his head, eye twitching. "Damn, it feels like I've got a fuxing hangover..." He took a deep breath and placed his hand in Hidan's, not really thinking straight at the moment.

Quite frankly, Hidan was surprised that Kakuzu was even responding to him, let alone actually taking him up on his offer. Hidan just stood there, dumbstruck, before he remember what he was doing. He pulled Kakuzu up, putting his other arm around the stitched man's shoulder.

Kakuzu, in his sleepy haze, let the other help him, although he'd probably either regret or deny it in the morning. He rubbed his eye again and yawned into his wrist. "Nnn... thanks Hidan..."

Hidan's jaw dropped. Did his partner, did Kakuzu, did he just... _thank_ him? Hidan dragged Kakuzu over to his partner's bed, dropping him as gently as he could. _I seriously think all that coffee's gotten to his brain..._ Hidan thought to himself. He looked down at the stitched man lying in front of him. Usually 

when he looked at him, Kakuzu's face would be angry, or twisted into a sort of half grin-half grimace that only appeared when he fucked with Hidan's head. Hidan had never seen his partner look so... peaceful. He pulled a blanket over Kakuzu's still form and sank into his own bed. Hidan was confused. Very confused. He yawned. Confusion could wait... it was time for sleep.

Kakuzu just looked at Hidan's retreating form and sighed, rolling over a bit and almost immediately falling into a coma-like sleep. What had possessed him...?  
Maybe it was that damn Jashin...


End file.
